a twist in the tales of life

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Lost for Words

Hello blogsphere, I’m back. It’s been a few weeks I know but as my twitter friends know, I managed to wreck my right shoulder and arm and ended up out of circulation.  However, thanks to intense acupuncture and a session of bio energy healing I am back and so happy.
Due to the nature of this injury, I was laid up in a way that surprised me. There was so little I could do. I spent most of the time applying Chinese medical balms and the rest of the time taking twice as long as usual to do anything.

What I found hardest to handle was having my words taken from me. I couldn’t read anything. The injury meant I couldn’t hold a book up or bend my neck down to read. Even a newspaper was impossible. And if that wasn’t bad enough I couldn’t either type or hold a pen. My fingers went numb and I even had to eat with my left hand which meant by the time I negotiated each fork full to my mouth the meal was cold by the half way point! I was trapped in a wordless world. And there is no greater agony.

I missed books. I missed the joy that flows from the second you open a book. The smell of the ink, paper, glue combination followed by the anticipation of what this author is about to offer you in terms of their voice, their language and their beautiful story telling. I missed the debate, did I like the ending which character drew me, and drew me enough to stay with me long after I smiled at the last scene and the last page.

I missed writing even more. I could feel a Ferris wheel of words in my head but I had no way of getting them out.  A dam had been built when the energy blocked in my arm. I thought of the thrill of seeing the scene in my head, feeling the flow down into my hands and then this joy of seeing the same scene in my words looking back up at me, my creation.  This was taken from me.

Then I knew why. And there is always a why. I was doing so much in a way that was soulless.  I have to practice my calligraphy, I have a neck piece to make, I need to get the blog up by such a time so I can get on with this, I must finish this book and get on to another. In the midst of this speed I was losing something, I could feel it. I chose this point in my life’s journey carefully so I could write how I always wanted to.  But I erred. I started to befriend rushing around and in doing that I was losing my way.  So, I believe, I was stopped in my tracks and got the time to think, learn, see and love words again.

Well, lesson learned.  I have learned to love again. Words must be free to bring me to the place where maximum joy waits. The place where I appreciate how blessed I am to want to express what I see in my mind’s eye and hopefully someday soon share it and give back what I have enjoyed in reading what has danced from the creativity of a fellow lover of words.

Does time matter? Yes as long as I fill my time with what makes me smile, inside and out. Happiness is everywhere.  I have never been a sprinter. Now more than ever, I never want to be. If today brings me 50 words or 500 words or 5 words I will love them all. And I will stroll along with my words appreciating our path together. This is my journey and I am going to love every wonderful minute of it. I am back, but back as I should always have been, a smiling and happy aging hippie.

Keep smiling,

1 comment:

  1. I'm very glad you are feeling better. I've been struggling with fibromyalgia recently. I don't normally have much trouble with it and this is the first time it's been in my hands. I have found it very distressing. While I could still read, it affected my ability to write. I couldn't type more than one-fingered and struggled to hold a pen, eventually giving up.

    Sometime people who aren't as invested in creating don't get how difficult it can be to have that outlet taken away. I see reading as part of writing, words are shared with us and we share our own words back. When that balance is disrupted it effects us emotionally and psychologically in a way that can be hard to explain to others.

    It's great you found something that works for you.